Why 'Just Love Your Body' Advice Doesn't Work (And What Actually Does)
You've heard it a million times. "Just love your body!" "Your body is beautiful!"
But, if you're someone who steps on the scale every morning with dread, avoids mirrors, or feels anxious getting dressed, being told to "just love your body" can feel like being told to "just fly" when you don't have wings.
And, it's not only unhelpful - it can actually make you feel worse.
Why the Advice to "Just Love Your Body" Falls Flat
First off, it skips about 50 crucial steps!
Imagine someone who's terrified of water being told to "just love swimming!" without first learning to float, breathe properly, or even get comfortable putting their toes in the shallow end. That's what "just love your body" advice does - it asks you to leap to the finish line without acknowledging the very real journey it takes to get there.
It dismisses your real pain.
When you've spent years (or decades) believing your body is wrong, too big, too small, too something. Being told to suddenly flip a switch feels dismissive of your lived experience.
Your feelings about your body didn't develop overnight, and they certainly won't disappear with a pep talk.
It ignores all the context and history.
Your complicated relationship with your body didn't happen in a vacuum. Maybe you grew up hearing comments about weight at the dinner table. Maybe you experienced trauma that disconnected you from your body. Maybe diet culture convinced you that your worth was tied to a number on a scale.
"Just love your body" advice pretends none of that history matters.
It can create more shame.
When you can't magically love your body overnight (which is totally normal), you might start thinking there's something even more wrong with you. "Everyone else can love their body, so why can't I?"
This creates another layer of shame on top of what you're already carrying.
Steps to a Better Relationship with Your Body
The first step: understanding why your brain learned to focus on your body in the first place.
Real healing with your body doesn't start with love, it starts with understanding.
Often, body hatred is your mind's way of trying to solve a problem or protect you from something. Maybe criticizing your body feels like it gives you control when everything else feels chaotic. Maybe focusing on your appearance feels safer than dealing with deeper emotional pain. Your brain isn't being mean to you - it's trying to help in the only way it knows how.
Understanding how diet culture hijacked your relationship with your body.
We live in a culture that profits from your body dissatisfaction. From the moment we're young, we're taught that our bodies are projects to be worked on rather than homes to be lived in. Recognizing this isn't your fault is crucial - you didn't just wake up one day and decide to hate your body. You were taught to.
Understanding that your body has been trying to take care of you this whole time.
Even if your relationship with your body feels complicated, your body has been working hard to keep you alive and functioning. It's carried you through difficult experiences, healed from injuries, and adapted to stress. That's worth acknowledging, even if you're not ready to love it yet.
What Actually Works: How to Practice Body Neutrality
Instead of jumping straight to body love, most people find more success with body neutrality - a middle ground that doesn't require you to love your body, but doesn't keep you trapped in hatred either.
Start with body respect.
This might sound like: "I may not love my body today, but I can feed it when it's hungry" or "I don't love how my legs look, but I appreciate that they get me where I need to go." You're not forcing false positivity, but you're also not staying stuck in criticism.
Practice body curiosity instead of body judgment.
Instead of "My stomach looks terrible," try "I notice I'm having critical thoughts about my stomach. I wonder what's really going on for me today?" This shifts you out of attack mode and into a more gentle, curious relationship with yourself.
Focus on how your body feels, not just how it looks.
Start paying attention to what your body is telling you. Are you hungry? Tired? Tense? This helps you reconnect with your body as a source of information rather than just something to be evaluated visually.
Set boundaries with diet culture messages.
Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel worse about your body. Stop engaging with conversations about diets and weight loss. Create space for your healing by limiting exposure to harmful messages.
The Truth About Body Love
Here's what most people don't tell you: even people who have a healthy relationship with their bodies don't love everything about them all the time.
Real body acceptance includes having days when you feel less confident, frustrated with pain or limitations, or just indifferent about your appearance.
The goal isn't to think your body is perfect. The goal is to free up all that mental and emotional energy you've been spending on body criticism so you can use it for things that actually matter to you.
Your Body Doesn't Need Your Love to Be Worthy
Your body is worthy of care, respect, and kindness regardless of how you feel about it on any given day.
You don't have to love your body to feed it nourishing food, move it in ways that feel good, rest when you're tired, or say no to things that harm it.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to stop trying so hard to love your body and instead focus on building a relationship with it based on respect, curiosity, and care.
If you've been struggling with your relationship with your body, please know that your feelings are valid and your journey is your own.
Healing doesn't happen on anyone else's timeline, and you don't owe anyone - including yourself - love that doesn't feel authentic yet.
You deserve support in figuring out what a healthy relationship with your body looks like for you. That might include understanding the deeper reasons behind your body image struggles, processing experiences that affected your relationship with your body, and learning practical tools for the moments when body criticism feels overwhelming.
Remember: you don't have to love your body to be worthy of love, care, and respect. You already are worthy, no matter what.
Looking for more support with therapy for body image in Waukesha and Milwaukee Counties?
Get in touch with me for a free 15-minute consultation.
